You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
