Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
