I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
