Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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