I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Randomize
