I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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