You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
