someone threw a dead crab at me
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
