Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
