Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
