Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
