I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
