So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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