he wants to bone in the snuggie
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
