glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
