and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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