I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize