haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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