I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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