I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
