You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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