My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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