i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
