You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
