She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
