I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
