I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
