my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
