my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
