Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
