Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He shit in the fireplace
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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