Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Mom said you looked used
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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