I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize