Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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