I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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