Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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