Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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