I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My dick has a subreddit
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
