I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
