Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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