now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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