is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
