eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I lost the right to judge tonight
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
