Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
