Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
