it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
