Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
