Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
