oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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