I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
