I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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