Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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