genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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