Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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