I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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