and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
