you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
