doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
