I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can't put those talents on a resume
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize