my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
