You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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