My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
