i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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