Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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