People with herpes should wear stickers.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
