i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
