Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
