It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
