just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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