dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
