Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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