You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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