Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize