dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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