it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize