i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
