if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Are we still banned from the library?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
