one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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