On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
how drunk are you?
Several
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize