last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize