i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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