She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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