somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i think i just lost a toe
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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