Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
