how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
