your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
