i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Your penis caused this!
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