i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
