You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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