I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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