yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
