Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
