A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
