I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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