I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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