dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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