they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
